I guess I should probably start off with this, though it throws the rest of my post into question. Don't listen to every piece of advice people give you. Even with your best interests at heart (and I find it pretty to give advice that doesn't serve me in some way, I also see others give advice that benefits themselves more than it should.) the advice they give you can do more harm than good, and can come from someone who has no idea about the reality of the situation. Yes they mean well, but that doesn't mean the advice wont be harmful. I guess an easy example of this is an anxiety problem of some sort, something on the extreme end. Most people will say just face up to it and get it over with. So you go give it a try, end up getting a panic attack. Their advice just made the problem worse, because they didn't fully understand it, but suggest it anyway even though a progressive desensitization would probably have been more appropriate and have actually been beneficial.
So... onto to the advice!
Stop comparing yourself to other people. First, it makes you (and the many many others who do it) miserable. No one has exactly the same life as you, and chances are they haven't had to deal with a lot of crap you have. Yes they have their own problems, but some problems are a lot easier to handle, or they have a problem that their particular personality doesn't have much trouble with. The same problem can give a different personality a much harder time. Basically a problem that's hard for person A can be easy for person B while a different problem will give B trouble but not A. Chances are most of those happy and successful people haven't felt the crushing apathy or hopelessness or w/e else depression manifests as. Yes some might have, and have worked through it, but that's much much less common than those who have never felt the real thing, particularly at your age (keep in mind it affect whats % of the population? and then how many of those are the happy ones?) Also when you see people, they're probably keeping their own sadness and trouble out of the public. Lastly, life's not a competition unless you make it one, and how happy has that made you?
This next section is probably a case where you should really keep in mind what I opened with about advice and ignorance, anyway here we go. For relationship stuff, are you sure you want to be in one? Are you sure you should be in one? It seems like right now, you're unable to be happy on your own. Now where do you think this will lead you when you end up breaking up with your so and being with him is the only time you can remember being happy? You also risk becoming clingy and easy manipulated if he happens to be a jerk. What if it ends up becoming abusive? Without confidence being independent, leaving an unhealthy situation will be that much harder. Confident and happy people are more attractive anyway, so not only will you know you can be fine on your own and don't
need a relationship, you'll be able to get a better guy
(this might not be relavant to you but-) One of the most unattractive or maybe more just deal break rather than the repulsive/disgusting aspect unattractive implies, is people who come off as looking for a parent replacement in an so. I don't want to be your new mommy, learn to look after yourself then get back to me. (again, idk if its relivant to you at all, just couldn't resist inserting that rant >>)
Anyway for getting your feelings under control, you can read up on that. Cognitive behavioural therapy stuff might prove useful, and can come in book form. One thing you might want to try, is, instead of focusing on everything that's bad, make an effort to think about the good side to the situation. As an example in 1st year university I got along with my roommate until about November (well, half-roommate, we had 2 doors, shelves between 2/3rds of us and a sliding wood door for the last 1/3rd. The door offered no security as the hook locks we had could be knocked out of place in 30 seconds with a piece of paper. Basically all the divider did was block sight, sound and smell still came through like nothing was there) So we had some fight that's too long to go through, and I ended up moving to a different room. Anyway, it really sucked at first, all I could think about was how I was now off in this corner, on my own, away from all my new friends. I used to love being able to leave my door open and chat with people going by or my friend across the hall, no more of that. It was also infuriatingly unfair, my roommate was the one talking on the phone until 1 am on Tuesday + a whole bunch of other crap. Most people on the floor thought she should have been moved, I was just the more willing and easier to deal with, so out I went instead. (On Wednesday her first and only class (1hour) was at 4:30pm, I had 8 hours of class starting at 8:30am with a lab) So all that was really eating me up until I remembered something I'd read about, which was write out a list of everything I
liked about the situation. Sure at first it felt like I was betraying myself and doing something... idk, it just extreme feelings of betrayal. But anyway I had to keep in mind I was only hurting myself and making myself miserable by giving in to being angry. So I went ahead and wrote down everything good about the change like more room, I can still go hang around the hall where I used to be to see friends, the new room was much much quieter, and not only because of the roommate being gone, more new people to meet, better view from the window, no sun making my computer screen hard to see at certain hours etc. I had a lot more on that list. I have to say, doing that, focusing on what I liked, realising I liked the new situation made a world of difference to me and made the rest of the year awesome instead of suck. I could give an example where thing could have/can help you but the situation might not be the best to bring up so, if you want it ask, otherwise I'll spare you it since it might be a sore topic.
Edit: fixed up a few sentences so they make more sense, mostly in the first paragraph.
This post has been edited by Anteres: 29 September 2009 - 10:45 PM
Help
OoNemooO, on 27 September 2009 - 10:48 PM, said:
